My two greatest fears used to be (1) being burnt to death and (2) being buried alive, but as terrifying as I still find both of these horrible scenarios, I believe that I have found a situation that fills me with even more fear and dread. It's because I'm pregnant. I found myself wondering one day a while back what life must be like for my little fetus floating around blind (basically) in a bag of fluid unable to breath (the way I define breathing) or communicate in any meaningful way, and surprisingly, I really started freaking myself out. Logically I know that my baby is just fine and happy in its own little way, but I can work myself into quite a panic if I dwell much on the subject, as I did just yesterday. I sat thinking about how scary it would be if I were forced back into the womb-- crammed into a tiny ball and shoved into a dark, liquid-filled sack unable to see or speak or do anything but keep thinking about how terrifying my situation is until I lose it, and I actually started to feel physically unwell. My face and neck got hot, and I began to almost hyperventilate. So there you have it. My new greatest fear. Maybe you all are thinking I'm sick and weird and crazy for having shared this, but then again, maybe some of you are relieved to not be the only one with irrational and disgusting fears.
4 comments:
Eeeeeww. That is the sickest scared picture ever. And the sickest idea ever for an adult to be forced back into the womb. That would be horrifying indeed. But that is all your little Axel Hiram Knight has ever known, so he just likes it. Remember what his mental capacities are right now: he couldn't speak yet even if he was out of the womb, and he can't really control any of his movements. The thing that would make it awful for an adult is that you have the power to move and speak and see--dear little Axel doesn't, not really, so nothing is actually being taken away from him. It just might be that his greatest fear is to have strange hands and feet flailing wildly, attacking his face, and then to discover that these foreign things are actually ATTACHED to him and he can never escape them. Aaaaahhh! Now that is really scary. Think about these things when you start feeling sick about his frightening situation in your womb. :)
That is definitley horrifying. Maybe now I can forget about my two worst fears (trying to save my kids from a swarm of killer bees and trying to save my kids when our car goes into a lake) and focus on this more disturbing but, at least, less likely fear.
that is quite a fear, my dear girl. and quite a scary face that is obviously dealing with some fears that are causing major facial distortions. creepy.
i did feel kind of scared when you described it, but seeing my little baby kicking around and dancing about yesterday on the ultrasound was just happy happy happy. :) so, i'm sorry about your fear. i just think how nice it is that the baby is all snuggly and happy and safe in my womb. but, no, I don't want to go back into a womb or any tight space, ever.
what happened to all of your early childhood posts?
So one moment you are like this is my spiritual blog and than all I am doing is laughing my head off and wishing I was watching you get all flushed and uneasy about your crazy thoughts. O how it makes me love you more....just when I thought I couldn't. But suddenly I have a new fear and its waking up to see the picture of that man you have posted here. Or possibly looking at my self in the mirror and seeing him there...OOooooo now that is a real fear.
By the way you are going to loose blog popularity real quick if you don't take these case sensitive letters off!
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